I will start out by apologizing for the length of this post. I tend to get a little introspective late at night especially during the holidays!
The holidays have descended upon us! No denying it now. We have the Grange Christmas Dinner tomorrow night and the annual Lind Parade on Sunday night. Seems like we have something going on almost every night. We are trying to keep things in perspective and I think we have a good start with the kids. Every night we are opening a door on our Advent Calendar. Behind each door is a small candy treat and 4 quarters for each child. Every night they put the money in their new sectioned banks - 1 quarter in the save part - it will be put in their bank accounts; 1 quarter in the charity part - we will combine that money and either donate it or buy a toy for the sharing tree at school and 2 quarters in the store part - they will use that to get presents for each other. I think we are going to try to make some presents this year. We made hot cocoa cones for Junior Grange last week and the kids really liked that.
I have been thinking that they could do something like this for each other and for their friends. The kids are very excited about doing this and about getting things for kids that don't have all the nice things that we do. Tonight we watched Polar Express for the second time this season and Bailey told me that she knew what Christmas was really about - it wasn't just about us - it was about everyone in the world and was about giving and helping others. I think she is on the right track!
Rod is working on this song from Third Day. He is going to perform it at the Grange Dinner tomorrow night. It came out last year and absolutely brought us to tears every time we heard it. I will try to get it up on my music box but here are the lyrics (I think you will see it is very appropriate for us!).
There’s a little girl trembling on a cold December morn,
Crying for Mama’s arms,
At an orphanage just outside a little China town,
Where the forgotten are,
But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire,
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine.
It’s Christmas time again but you’re not home,
Your family is here and yet you’re somewhere else alone,
So tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in His arms,
And I’ll tell you from my heart, I wish you Merry Christmas.
As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights,
I’m warmed by the fire’s glow,
And outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
And make angels in the snow.
But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears,
And hope that heaven’s angels come to carry you here.
It’s Christmas time again but you’re not home,
Your family is here and yet you’re somewhere else alone,
So tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in His arms,
And I’ll tell you from my heart, I wish you Merry Christmas.
Christmas is a time we celebrate the Holy Child,
And we celebrate his perfect gift of Love,
He came to us to give His life and prepare a place for us,
So we could have a home with Him above.
It’s Christmas time again but now you’re home,
Your family is here and so you’ll never be alone,
So tonight before you go to sleep I’ll hold you in my arms,
And I’ll tell you from my heart,
And I’ll tell you from my heart, I wish you Merry Christmas.
I also wanted to share some thoughts that a friend of mine wrote out 2 years ago. Amy is the one who visited Emma in her foster home last December and sent us the wonderful pictures of Emma smiling!!! Her words really struck me because I have many of these same thoughts. It is hard sometimes to reconcile how much we have been blessed with while there are others in this world who have so little. I know we can't rescue the world but like the man walking the beach and throwing the starfish back - maybe we can make a difference with one life at a time. Anyway, enough of my holiday angst. Here is Amy post:
Can you believe we are ten days away from Christmas? Wasn't it just
summertime? Weren't we just carving pumpkins? Some days I feel like
I have stepped into a time machine that has caused my life to spin
in triple time. I remember those long lazy summer days when I was a
kid feeling so BORED and my mom wisely smiling and saying, "just you
wait until you are older and your life starts flying before your
eyes". Now I smile at my own kids and tell them the same thing. :-)
I am trying SO HARD to get into the "festive" holiday spirit, but
this year I am finding it more and more difficult. I remember not
that many years ago I would hear about the latest Neimann Marcus
catalogue and would laugh at the fact that someone would be buying
their child their own diamond encrusted pony barn, but now I turn on
the news and hear that some "lucky" child will be given her own
replica of the Eiffel Tower on Christmas morning and I want to cry
instead. I want to call the family and say "do you know how many
heart babies that would heal?" (I am a real downer at holiday
parties......ha ha)
This weekend I took my six year old daughter to see the Nutcracker
for the very first time. It was in downtown Oklahoma City, and all
the lights were twinkling around the square. Anna put on her red
holiday dress and was beyond excited. As we walked into the music
hall and we saw the 40 foot high tree, and all the beautiful
decorations, I caught myself once again thinking about all the
children who at that very moment were sleeping in rusted cribs, with
no heat. I do this to myself all the time, and I vowed that tonight
I would NOT think about China and I would just enjoy the evening.
And so I looked around at all the happy families, and everyone had
on holiday clothes and the little girls were all dressed up for
their night at the ballet. I will not think of China.....I will not
think of China........... and then a woman walked in with her
daughter and I broke that vow for the millionth time. Her little
girl was an absolute vision. She had on a floor length velvet gown,
with an underskirt that caused her dress to swirl out around her.
She had on a white fur coat, and her mom had curled her blond hair
into hundreds of ringlets. And on the top of her head she had a
diamond tiara. I think it was the tiara that brought the tears. And
not because it was expensive, but because this mom had obviously
spent so much time lovingly getting her little girl ready for a very
special night out. I could just envision her bringing out the
princess crown and saying "THIS is a magical night and you deserve
to look like a queen." They were laughing and holding hands, and as
they walked up the grand staircase it hit me once again full in my
heart the disparity that exists in the world with children. Why are
some children born to be treasured and others are born to know only
pain? How many children in the world NEVER have a momma to do their
hair and tell them, "today is a SPECIAL day."
Sometimes I think I must be crazy.....and I will look around me to
see if it looks like anyone else in the room is feeling like this.
Is it normal to cry when your little boy steps up to homeplate,
knowing that so many children around the world will never have that
simple pleasure? Is it normal to go to the park and have to choke
back tears watching children just enjoy the tiny thrill that comes
from being able to play outside or zoom down a slide? Oh I hope
so....because that is my normal now.
I so want to give my own children a feeling of JOY this season. But
I find my head has two thoughts running at the exact same time every
moment of the day.
Mom, can we bake cookies? *** 13 new babies were abandoned and we
have nowhere to put them.
Mrs. Eldridge, can you send treats for the holiday party? ***** She
has severe heart disease and might have lung damage.
Mom, can we go see Narnia? ***** Do you have the funds to help us?
She is so sick and we feel she needs to be in the hospital.
Mom, where are my band shoes? **** If we can build this school they
might be able to learn to read and rise above their poverty.
Where shall we hang the ornaments? ***** I am sorry but he passed
away......he was just too sick when we found him.
Can you take us shopping for gifts? ***** The aunties are
overwhelmed....there are so many babies......the babies keep coming
in........
The other night I turned off my computer and sat down to watch the
ending of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. I remember when I
first saw it (pre-China), and I thought that they should have ended
the movie when Aragon turns to Frodo with the glorious backdrop of
the mountains and castle and says "you kneel to no man". After that
the movie goes back to the Hobbit's shire and I remember not really
liking the way it was wrapped up....I wanted the GRAND ending. :-)
So this time I was watching it and I jokingly said to my
husband, "maybe we should just stop it at the scene with Aragon and
not watch the rest." But of course we kept going, and then Frodo said
something that made me realize that it was indeed the perfect
ending. He said, "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How
do you go on... when in your heart... you begin to understand...
there is no going back?
There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too
deep... that have taken hold of you forever."
That summed up exactly what I have been feeling for so long after
experiencing all that I have in China........there is no going back.
You cannot see children in real need and then just "turn it off".
Their faces will be with you forever. And you will see that same
longing in every child around the world who needs someone to care
for them....whether it is on a news program about children in the
Sudan, or news pictures of children in Iraq, or in a new photo of a
child needing surgery from an orphanage saying, "please, can you
help?" You can't turn off that intense desire to want to help
them....because in your heart you know that the kids can't turn off
their sadness, or fear, or loneliness. But I have realized recently
that it is okay to have two thoughts always going at once. Because
when your daughter looks up at you as the Sugar Plum Fairy comes out
on the stage to dance, and whispers "isn't she BEAUTIFUL,
mommy?"......you can blink away the tears that come from knowing so
many children will never have such a moment of pure wonder.....and
remind yourself to CHERISH that very moment that God has put in your
life. Every child on this earth is a blessing.....and we should
never take for granted those little moments with our own children
that remind us how very lucky we all are to have each other as
family. THAT is what I am reflecting on this holiday season. How
blessed we are to have the gift of children in this world......and
how much they depend on adults to take care of them and make them
feel safe. So I will treasure every hectic moment and smile as we
hurtle towards Christmas day, while knowing that it is perfectly
okay to also cry on the inside, for all of those kids who still wait.
